when holding on and giving up are equally draining.

Sometimes I try to my best to not think about where i've ended up, because i end up getting disappointed and it spoils my day. But in reality, comparisons happen and no matter how much you try to avoid it, it eventually gets to you.


I know i've disappointed not only myself but so many others. At times, just looking them brings tears to my eyes and i want to apologize so much, let them know how my best isn't good enough, how hopes shouldn't even have been placed on me.


It's been so hard to fall asleep lately. I've never felt so tired, mentally. All these while trying my best to put on a facade to mask what I really feel. I know I mustn't be unfair to my friends. I should't act according to my feelings and affect their mood. It's selfish. Right now, my smiles... I really don't know which of them are genuine anymore.