I can't wait for the next season of america's next top model in sept!

my all time favourite- yoanna house from cycle 2!

Broken. again.

"You know how people always say that if something is worth it, you should fight for it?

That you should fight like hell till you get it?


Sometimes it muddles me. Because, sometimes, whilst fighting so hard for it, you lose the very essence of what it is. It slips away faster. Which is why things and people should never be considered important. Because, once they do become important, it means you care a lot about it. And caring for something means there's a chance that it's gonna hurt when you lose it. At the end of the day, it'll all be pointless, won't it?

So, detach detach."


By victoria neoh.


Maybe I'm trying to find an avenue to escape by making myself busy but I've decided to give my bedroom a whole new makeover. I'm going to take away the pink, red and blues and give it a fresh new outlook! My dad has agreed to sponsor me $$ for the painting and furniture. I'm all set for IKEA! All the packing up of room, clearing heaps of rubbish, buying new furniture, painting and finding pics to put on my walls- it's going to be able to keep my mind off... right?

I want to be at my best.

So much have happened the past few days. We sent cheryl off at changi airport on sunday. It's so heartwarming to see a good friend of yours knowing what she wants and pursuing her dreams. It inspires me. I've been thinking alot about what i want for my career the past few months. I've got an answer, but there are alot of factors to consider and when there are expectations to meet, it's no longer just about you. Anyway, i'll see how it goes.


Then, we had a crazy idea of staying in airport and waiting for the first train at 5.40am cos we missed the last bus. I wouldn't consider it as wasting time, Since we left kc, we barely had the time to meet up and spend time talking crap together like that. (haha)


-


On monday, I went for SIM's swim orientation aka training. We only did 1.5km but I was dying already. I don't even dare to think of the 6km training sets i used to do everyday years ago- it scares me how unfit i've become since quitting ssc. I was also contemplating of getting a lifesaving certificate. Hmm.

-


I've got my timetable for school printed out, and i'm pretty excited! This reminds me of my driving license, which I've been procrasinating since forever. My test date is sort of finalized- and don't ask me if i pass or not, because i'll tell you i've passed even if i fail. hahaha.



Giving up- it's no longer an option.

Because there is more to life.

Yesterday they came over to have a sleepover at my house!

Anyway, I went back to tj for the nike run club and i'm very happy because I got to see my dearest swimming juniors and mr L- and that really makes my day! (Although all the pitching of tent and what not was -beeping- hot and draining). instant 40bucks! plus the other cash i earned from coaching, heehee! time for a shopping spree!

-

Received SMSes from different CCAs in SIM. I don't know if I should join swimming AGAIN. 10 years of swimming. and after adding 3yrs more of it, it will be a TOTAL OF 13 YEARS swimming. oh my gawd. no no.

then SRC? Sigh..I promised my parents to spend bulk of my time studying and not join any ccas, since unlike jc, ccas serves no practical use- there are no points awarded or whatsoever. Plus, I must never ever repeat the same mistake of spending too much time in school activities. Priorities peck!

Okay man. I'm going to ignore all those SMSes.

-

This was a conversation that went on between my sis and me.

ME: wa look at that rainbow! it's so nice and colourful.

SIS: (jokingly) ya but a pity your life isn't that colourful.

That's my sis- always joking. I know I shouldn't take her words seriously but it just occured to me that maybe she's right... her words are awfully true.

I don't want to sound pessimistic or wallow in self-pity but I hate to admit it but there are so many things I wish could change in my life. One day, I want to be able to say that I'm happy with my life without choking on my words. I want to be so perfect that I can truly tell myself there is absolutely nothing in my life i wish to change. I want to firmly stand up and say that yes, my life IS as colourful and beautiful as that rainbow.

Keep it going.

"When I wake up in the morning, I have two simple choices: go back to sleep and dream, or wake up and chase the dream"


Chanced upon this.

And then it dawned upon me that dreams do come true. I have a few dreams that I listed when I was a kid. I've only realized one of it, but i'm sure there will be more to come. =)

Build these walls around me, and just leave me alone.

Have you ever thought you could change someone?

I thought I could, but obviously I failed. Doesn't matter. Let go and move on. I really don't want to waste my time brooding over things or people that just aren't worth it.

If it was a month ago, I'd tell you I'm a person who doesn't let go easily. But today, trust me- I've dumped everything aside. To put it more bluntly, it's over and I no longer give a -beep- anymore. I've learnt how to steer clear and stay ignorant.


I'll say I'm okay with my life now. There are things I want to change, so that one day i'll tell myself that I'm happy with life. Just that now, it's no longer about the people I once thought mattered to me.




Anyway, I'm excited to start school! I know i'm going to regret saying this when I actually start school and the mugging that comes along with it but hey! new friends, new life, new environment... it's just what i need. =)



Speaking of which, I've quit working at hiv! And as crystal, who have also quit her job would say, "you're going to realize how good your life actually is!" haha. I doubted her words initially but after today, i'm beginning to sing in the same tune as her.

Although I'll miss the money but it's cool. I'm going to take a few weeks off before doing some job hunting! Or maybe find more students to coach- the pay is good heehee.



Over the next few days I'm going to pack up/decorate my room, start exercising( something which i've been neglecting since i started work), watch all my fav tv programmes and sleep AS MUCH AS I WANT so please don't ask me out for this week!! it's called isolation week. =)


This could be nothing,
but I'm willing to give it a try.